Let's Taco 'Bout It

Let's learn something shall we...

This post is going to be short & sweet, but hopefully, you as the reader will find a nugget of helpfulness within my words. 

I believe & research has shown that the concepts of how to deal with life, i.e. our emotions, difficult situations, etc. we learn in our youth. 

We learn it from our parents, our friends, those within our sphere on influence play a crucial role at teaching us, directly & indirectly, how to deal with the hard, the joyful, the easy, the confusing, the painful... We learn all of that from those around us. Our brain takes it in, stores it (i.e. we develop schema's), & when situations come up, recalls those lessons & that is how in turn, we learn to interpret our situations as adults. 

So, what do you do when you want to change how you routinely respond to something? 

For the record, I'm still learning this too & if I can be perfectly honest, while I know what science says, & I could spit that back to you verbatim about how you do it, it all means nothing unless I try it... Right?

Here's the simplified version courtesy of my therapist, [insert name here (but will leave blank for privacy's sake)]. 

When those situations come or those intrusive thoughts come up & you start to get in a panic about them being around & existing, take a moment to let those thoughts just be. Whether your reaction to the stimuli is positive or negative, let those thoughts be. 

Let them exist & don't just dismiss the thoughts or your reaction to the stimulus because you don't like how it feels or you feel like you shouldn't be reacting that way. Let them be.

Allow me to provide a real life example. My relationship right now with my youngest child feels like 2 rams butting their heads together. 

I know the kind of mother that I want to be to my youngest, but man... I want a life too. Know what I'm saying? 

(Side tangent) I am a firm believer in prayer & I have spent the greater portion of the last 6 mths praying for opportunities to play with him & share in just the joy of life with him & being honest, I'm batting at like a solid 50% on the opportunities that have come. 

I will constantly justify some reason to not do something with him (playing, reading, etc.) because I'm too tired or in the middle of something, or whatever. It used to not be this way either. It really has only been in the last few months. 

Right now, he is doing what most parents dream of which is being in the realm of fully ready to be potty trained. 

What am I doing with this golden little nugget!?... Asking him if he can just go in his diaper because I don't want to take him to the bathroom right that second!! The end goal is the ultimate in convenience in parenting at my kids' age. 

I'm seriously fighting him on this. Then, I'm beating myself up over why I don't want to go down this road with him right now. I should be applauding his progress & desires & instead am dreading them. 

So, in talking with my therapist about this her suggestion was to explore why I am feeling this way with him. Why am I on the struggle bus of wanting to do anything with him at all?

She said, & I quote, "Acknowledge it, let it be, & explore that rabbit hole. Let it flow & know that it means nothing." 

That rabbit hole might look like asking myself, "Did my mom or dad ever feel this way with me?" "Do others feel this way with their own children?"

She told me to ask myself, "How am I feeling in this moment? What is going on around me? Am I giving this thought, this anxiety, this anger, this annoyance, too much power? Does it have to have this much power?"

She told me to, "Let it be something that is temporary." To understand that I don't have to take ownership of everything or hold onto them. These reactions, these feelings, these thoughts, they don't always have to mean something. 

She told me it's another way to loosen up those "schema's" that I have developed in my responses to things. (For reference, a schema is a pattern of thinking, action, or behavior. We develop them, especially when we are infants just taking the world in. i.e. how does a door open, this is what the vacuum always sounds like, etc.)

She said before I start work on changing those thoughts & reactions to things, I need to first acknowledge them & let them have their place. Then, recognize that those reactions, those thoughts, etc. don't have to stay there. I can let them go. 

I can practice mindfulness.

So, here is my challenge/nugget to you dear reader. I am going to spend the next month working on this concept as often as I can remember... So hopefully, everyday. 

I also am setting the goal to try to write my thoughts down at the end of the night so that I can go through why those thoughts & reactions were there. Why they occurred. 

My challenge/nugget of encouragement to you is to do it with me. I will I think, record a weekly summary, at the end of my blog post of a few thoughts I had & the results I experienced exploring those thoughts & reactions that I had to things. 

My goal, is ultimately to understand myself a little better, but also, prepare myself to learn how to change those thoughts & reactions so that they aren't my 1st line of response to things. Rather, develop a better response pattern so that I can ultimately be in control of my own reactions & thoughts, & not be a passenger on the ride. 

I hope you'll join me on this ride & will find growth & learning from it. 

I guess this post was a little longer than I intended, but, I hope something in it was encouraging & helpful.